i never use tumblr anymore. i get addicted to it when i do. well whatever. no one actually follows me so it doesn’t really matter. i feel if i take the time to type shit it makes me feel better about my situation so here goes. i. hate. my. life. seriously… i don’t understand why i was given the parents i have. oh wait i do, cause my dad is a fuck and didn’t use a damn rubber. if he had my mom wouldn’t have gotten pregnant, he wouldn’t have felt obligated to marry her, they wouldn’t have gotten divorced, and i wouldn’t be either of their problems, i wouldn’t exist. sometimes i wish i didn’t exist. i’m not suicidal or anything i just wish i hadn’t been born. yeah life can be fun sometimes but the majority of the time it’s just a huge let down. i hate my mom. she kicked me out a 2 am and took all the money in my bank account. that’s a different story though. i hate my dad as well. i’m fucking 18 years old and he acts like i’m 12. yeah i smoke and drink but who doesn’t nowadays? and to top it all off i leave for basic july 25th. i was so excited to go but now i’m not so sure and there is no way that i can get out of it, if i don’t go i’ll get sent to prison and the navy is wayyyy better than prison. i feel like no one actually cares. i mean my parents care but they only care about grades and shit not if i’m actually happy I(mainly my dad because i haven’t talked to my mom since christmas). i just hope that someday i’ll actually find some true friends that will always have my back. nobody fucking understands how i feel, maybe that’s how every one else feels and nobody feels wanted or understood… regardless i hate this shit, fuck my life, fuck school, fuck fake friends, fuck having no friends, fuck everything.
i’ll never be able to forget. never be able to forget the moments we shared and the struggles that we went through together. our paths crossed and we were forever changed after. i know that i won’t ever see you again and i’ll probably end up dying in afghanistan in a year but i just wish that things hadn’t turned out the way that they did. you did what you felt was necessary and i understand that now. i’m sorry for not being good enough for you, i truly am. i don’t even know why i’m writing this because you nor anyone else will ever see it but i guess it’s comforting just to air out my feelings. part of me will always love you i just wish that i knew i wouldn’t be forgotten.